Can I turn this insomnia into a novel? It would certainly make good use of the time during National Novel Writing Month, in which I am participating again this year.
The day before, though, I am just rattling around in my own head, filled with anxiety about my two jobs, filled with dread about my parenting, and (so typical for a NaNo writer) wondering how I can turn this inner turmoil and personal life crisis into word count.
But first things first: I am going to get a new keyboard, going to set up another computer in the office, and liberate my laptop semi-permanently from the desk. I do have a dual hookup box thingey, where I used to have the lad's PC and Mac sharing the same monitor, but he stopped using the Mac a while back, and I took the computer when the laptop was in the shop.
Make no mistake: the laptop is on its last months of service. I may have to take it in as the mouse and touch pad are sorta hosed.... hmmm, it started after the last "fix" now that I think of it.
I will also spend a good deal of time cleaning house this weekend, in advance of starting to write at midnight Nov. 1. Either this will provide a "clean slate" for novel writing, OR it will remove certain procrastination objects from my sight.
However, all of this busyness comes at a price, and all of this insomnia exacts its own pound of flesh (but in reverse). I'm overweight-er than ever, and desperately in need of a vacation from "crunch time" at two jobs. One job will let up around Dec. 5th, and the other not until Jan. 23.
So, yeah, I'm pretty insane right now, and doubly so because I'm taking on NaNo yet again. The fourth year for me. Mind-boggling! I'll be following Julia Cameron's rubric of three pages a day, and also walking my dog daily. That's the extent of my plan. Perhaps it's diabolically simple, or perhaps it's just simple.
October 31, 2009
October 16, 2009
Months and Months Ago
.... meanwhile, back at the ranch, Bess is trying to tame the wind.
I started teaching half-time, three classes, three preps AND I'm editing - with the workload increasing without check by anyone but my guilt. And thus, I haven't had one moment to write for myself.
Another thing happened and then didn't happen (a relationship), and that sapped my energy and ambition for writing, or any creativity at all. Which was a red flag. I don't know if it's possible, but I seek the kind of relationship where I am encouraged and inspired to hit the studio/keyboard/sewing machine, rather than feel burdened with yet another thing to schedule.
It's a combo of all these things NOT one in particular. And it's just life. As Joseph Campbell says, "work and family in themselves are a form of meditation." I just wish I didn't always feel so tired.
Tired to the point of insomnia and anxiety. Isn't that ironic!? So tired that you cannot get rest. Ha ha, big cosmic joke.
However, National Novel Writing Month is coming, and I believe it suits me. It suits me to try (essayer) and even if the exercise is simply to carve out the creative space, then it's good.
I've been sewing lately, creating a sea tapesty from marine quilting fabrics, using new (to me) products (WonderUnder, stabilizers, etc.), so again, this has helped me get to the creative zone.
I hope to be posting more as the novel progresses and the whining mounts.
I started teaching half-time, three classes, three preps AND I'm editing - with the workload increasing without check by anyone but my guilt. And thus, I haven't had one moment to write for myself.
Another thing happened and then didn't happen (a relationship), and that sapped my energy and ambition for writing, or any creativity at all. Which was a red flag. I don't know if it's possible, but I seek the kind of relationship where I am encouraged and inspired to hit the studio/keyboard/sewing machine, rather than feel burdened with yet another thing to schedule.
It's a combo of all these things NOT one in particular. And it's just life. As Joseph Campbell says, "work and family in themselves are a form of meditation." I just wish I didn't always feel so tired.
Tired to the point of insomnia and anxiety. Isn't that ironic!? So tired that you cannot get rest. Ha ha, big cosmic joke.
However, National Novel Writing Month is coming, and I believe it suits me. It suits me to try (essayer) and even if the exercise is simply to carve out the creative space, then it's good.
I've been sewing lately, creating a sea tapesty from marine quilting fabrics, using new (to me) products (WonderUnder, stabilizers, etc.), so again, this has helped me get to the creative zone.
I hope to be posting more as the novel progresses and the whining mounts.
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